by Sean Grogan
The Borderlands movie, directed by Eli Roth, was released this past summer to extremely poor reviews and was immediately outshone by many of the more promising titles that were released around that time. The movie had the ingredients for a bright adaptation: a beloved video game franchise, a talented cast, and the potential for high-octane action and humor. Unfortunately, it falls short on almost every front. It serves as a cautionary tale about why video game adaptations so often fail when large studios, driven more by profit than passion for the source material, take the reins.
Last year I reported on my thoughts about the Five Nights at Freddy’s movie, and I said some things about it which I believe were a bit harsh looking back. But at the same time, after watching Borderlands the same amount of times as I did the FNAF movie, I do believe that FNAF was a good video game adaptation. Because at least the FNAF movie didn’t cause as much mental decay to me as this absolute dumpster fire.
First and foremost, the Borderlands movie suffers from an incoherent story that does not capture the essence of what made the video games so beloved in the least. I am not a Borderlands superfan in the slightest. But even I know the Borderlands series is known for its dark humor, sharp wit, and over-the-top characters, a blend of absurdity that makes the series so lovable. The film, however, doesn’t use any of this, and instead sticks to this half-cooked script ripped right out of the final Star Wars movie, where a group of misfit treasure hunters must band together to find a legendary vault. What could have been an opportunity to lean into the franchise’s colorful characters and irreverent humor instead results in forgettable, one-dimensional portrayals.
Which gets us into the cast. The cast is why I believe the fault of the movie is mostly in the script. When you have such big talented names as Jamie Lee Curtis or Cate Blanchett in your main cast, I can only assume your budget went to getting these actors. The only comedy that came out of the movie was the studio hearing the word comedy in the description of franchise, and proceeding to hire Jack Black and Kevin Hart. And in my opinion, when the best thing about your movie is Jack Black’s one-liners as a tiny wheeled robot, you aren’t making a good movie.
In the end, this is all once again the fault of a greedy, controlling Hollywood studio that could care less about the legitimate usage of a title and rather use its notoriety for a quick buck. If it weren’t for the large and influential cast, I’m sure that this would have been canned and used as a tax write-off. I’ll never get the hours of my life back from this terrible movie. I couldn’t even laugh AT it while watching it, it consistently gave me the side effects of an experimental prescription drug: vomiting, nausea, headaches, and drowsiness. I wouldn’t even advise you to watch it when it's in a $1 Blu-ray bin in 10 years. I can’t give this movie credit for anything, and I hope it can be a lesson to other companies that maybe taking your time to understand a franchise before ruining it is a good idea.
(Editor's note: who's excited for the Minecraft movie?!)
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